The Top 5 Best Sarcastic Characters on TV (Right Now)

No introduction, lets get straight to it.

5. Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) 30 Rock

Jack is one half sarcastic and the other half the man. He runs the GE company, oversees TGS with Tracy Jordan, and is also the head of GE's most financially viable department: Microwaves. He is not as overtly sarcastic as the rest of this list, but his whole delivery is one that says "I'm smarter than you and I know it"... and that counts in my book as sarcasm.

4. Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) Community

Jeff is the smooth talking former lawyer of the sophomore comedy Community. His biting sarcasm is delivered so quickly that may times it takes an extra 5-10 seconds to actually get the joke. I call this syndrome "joke lag" and it's a good thing, it makes re-watching episodes better.

3. Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) The Office

Jim has been the best main character on The Office since its inception. His pranks on Dwight carried the show throughout the slow season one, and brought in viewers during the exponentially better seasons two and three. His sarcasm is less biting than Winger's, his style is more egging Michael and Dwight on to even more ridiculous behavior. Can you say Gaydar?

2. Hank Moody (David Duchovany) Californication

Hank is incapable of treating people the way they deserve to be treated. Whether they are his subordinates, his superiors, women, men, people who help him or hurt him, they all (except his daughter) get the same callous overtly perverted sexual treatment. He says whatever he wants and pays for it, and that is why he is not number one on this list. He gets punched in the face on average once in every 3 episodes, unlike the top spot...

1. Greg House (Hugh Laurie) House

Everybody loves House. He thinks 3 steps ahead of everyone he knows, and through those means usually gets exactly what he wants. It is often pretty hard to tell the difference between what is sarcastic and what he's saying just to burrow deeper into peoples head. Good example of sarcasm: he uses a cane, when he needed a new one he asked the store owner "what do you have in bitchin'?" And when he finally settled on one he settle on the "one with the flames on the side, so it looks like I'm going faster."  or this one from season one. The show is full of about 20 of these moments an episode, and it makes it one of the best shows on television.

Show Review: Community Season 2 Episode 11: Abed's Uncontrollable X-Mas

        You have to respect Community for one thing, when they do something, they commit. Last night's episode was entirely in clay animation that the old school Christmas special used to do. The episode followed no seasonal plot, instead they decided to do a full on Christmas special.
        Apparently in the beginning of the episode Abed had gotten some news that drove him crazy, and because of that news he saw everything in clay-mation. They called in Professor Ian Duncan, John Oliver's (from the Daily Show) fame obsessed shrink to get everyone to play along with Abed Christmas fantasy to see where the root of the problem was, which led them all to take up roles of toys from the Island of the Misfit Toys
        Like I said at the beginning of the post, when Community does a gag episode they commit like no other show I have ever seen. Perfect example is their season one episode Modern Warfare, here's a clip of a fan made trailer. Community has a way of filling every stereotype that television shows usually fill, except when they do it they say they are doing it and somehow that makes it even funnier.

Episode Rating 1-10: 5      Despite all the good things about this show week to week I don't like Christmas specials
Stand Alone Episode Rating:    4    Once again I have a bias, as I do not like Christmas specials. However if you have a 10 year old kid and they saw this they might want to tune in week to week. I wouldn't let them though. This is for adults.

Predictions: Survivor: The Final 6... who I think will win

        Let me say right off the top for the 12 people left in America who still watch like I do, this season has had what has to be the dumbest group of Survivors ever. The only smart one was Marty (and maybe Brenda), and the only smart thing they ever did was get rid of Marty. Apart from that this season has been a strategically bungled mess of really good looking people making really bad decisions. None of these people think long term game strategy. They can't see past their alliance and into people lying to them, and none of them think about who votes for who in the final tribal council. It is a joke. But on the other hand, it's pretty interesting tv watching these dumb people bungle around.
        With last night's elimination of Benry (really dumb name by the way) there are 6 castaways left: Holly, Sash, Jane, Chase, Fabio, and Dan. Out of those six, Jane beats anyone she faces off with in the finals, Holly beats anyone but Jane, Chase and Sash beat anyone that aren't women, and if it's those two its a coin flip, Fabio and Dan can beat nobody except each other.
        That said, I think that Holly is going to beat Chase for $1 million dollars. Sash was just lied to by Chase (that's what I saw at least) to get him into their alliance to make it 4 strong with Holly and Jane. Immunity challenge pending, Fabio is next to go (since Sash has a hidden idol they will fake a vote for him and force his idol out), followed by either Sash or Dan (probably Sash). That puts Chase, a 20something in shape car mechanic in the final 4 with a woman over the age 40, a woman over 60, and a man over 50 who had knee surgery and is a no-show in every challenge. In that final 4 as long as Dan doesn't win immunity Chase and the 2 ladies get rid of Dan. Then in the final challenge which is usually a physical test of wills Chase wins and takes Holly because nobody can beat Jane.
        The only way this won't happen is two ways: 1. if these incredibly stupid people decide to rip up their alliances in the final 6, which is ridiculous and unheard of, but like I said, this is the dumbest cast yet. 2. If either Fabio or Sash go on an immunity run. Sash is the wild card, because if he wins the next immunity challenge he is guaranteed in the final 4 due to his hidden idol. That and if they are dumb enough (they probably are) to not vote for Sash in the next vote, he only needs to win one more challenge to make the final 3, and in the final 3 anything can happen. It will be an interesting end, and I'm sure something will go wrong with this prediction along the way, but there are only 2 episodes left.

Show Review: How I Met You Mother

        I realized something after I completed my Top 10 Shows of All Time list: there are just so many god damn shows that it was impossible to give each show that may have deserved a spot in the honorable mentions and debatable in the top 10 its due coverage. As a result, I'm going to give some great shows their due... and How I Met Your Mother is first on that list.
       If I had to describe this show in one word it would be: Awesome! The overuse of the word awesome, the tacky high fives, pick up lines and intricate story telling set this show apart from most others. It has the tangled storytelling of a drama with the heart of a comedy. A interesting combination of new star: Jason Segel, old star: Neil Patrick Harris, and Alyson Hanigan, and Unknowns: Josh Radnor and Colbie Smulders.
       The show is the tale of architect/teacher Ted (Josh Radnor) telling a "love story in reverse". The show is based on Future Ted (never seen, voice of Bob Saget) telling his kids the story of how he met their mother. The show also follows his group of friends, including his best friend/college roommate/lawyer Marshall, his fianace/wife/kindergarten teacher Lily and fellow friend/corporate cronie/Uber womanizer Barney and finally the newest member of their group/Canadian/Ted & Barney's ex/news reporter Robin.
      The only bad thing about this show is the title. If it weren't named "How I Met Your Mother" people would not expect the mother to be in each season. It created an artistic limitation on the show because it's not called how I married your mother, or how your mother and I had kids, it's how I met your mother, which implies that once they meet and start dating that the show will end. It has also created a level of expectation that each girl Ted dates will be the mother. For the first two seasons viewers enjoyed the comedy, but come season 4 or 5 people (including me) started getting pissed off. They give you all these cryptic hints about the mother, and her whereabouts through the show, in Season 3 St. Patty's Day episode they say the mother was in the same bar, and they did not meet but Ted accidentally left with her umbrella, hints like these are littered throughout the six seasons. At a certain point they have to decide what is going to happen, as Ted is 31 (at least) and the show needs to end for its own good.

Overall Series Rating: 8.5/10

Show Review: Boardwalk Empire: Season 1 Episode 12: A Return To Normalcy

      Right off the bat, this is a hybrid post. Usually for a new show like this I would title the post as "New Show Review" but I decided that, since I've been watching this show all season that I'll review the finale in combination with the rest of the season. Why would I do such a thing? I'd like to remind you for the second post in a row that this is America, I do what I want.
      Boardwalk Empire is going to be on for a long time, so get used to people talking about it. They have the perfect cast, with Steve Bushemi headlining. It's already HBO's newest mega-hit to follow Entourage, True Blood, that show about the Mormons, and of course the Sopranos. There is something in Boardwalk Empire for everyone. There is mob violence, drugs, booze, gratuitous sex, lesbians, and politics... and its only season 1.
      Boardwalk Empire is the story of Enoch "Nucky" Thompson and his rise as Country Treasurer/gangster in Atlantic City during Prohibition. It is loosely based on the true story of the man with the same name. They take all the classic names, Nucky, Arnold Rothstein, Al Capone, and they do whatever they want with the characters, following a very loose historical timeline. It's a period piece with a modern edge.

Season Finale 1-10: 9    Really sets the table for next season, when Eli, the former mayor, and Jimmy Darmmity begin to plot Nucky's overthrow
Clean Slate Rating: 6     Last night looked a lot like politics and gin, with very little violence and sex, not as interesting to the casual viewer
Likelihood I add Boardwalk Empire to my Must Tivo List: 10     I'm hooked. You should be too.

New Show Review: Californication

      I realize the last three posts have been a bit of a Showtime Network showcase. That's what happens when a network pays me cash. This is America... bribery works... so take some notes HBO, there will be no reviews til I see some bills.
     Bribery aside, Californication is a pretty funny show. It stars former X-Filer David Duchovany and then a whole host of "that guy" actors. Those guys you see everywhere but have no idea who they are. I'm not going to solve that problem for you, but I will tell you not to make the mistake I did while watching this show. Do not watch it with your dad. Unless your Dad is into strippers, sex, alcohol abuse, pot, cocaine, borderline child abuse, verbal abuse, drunk driving, statutory rape and infidelity. In that case he may be a monk of the church of Hank Moody. My Dad was not.
      Lead character Hank is a writer who moved from NY to LA for his family, and since the move has totally unraveled. His wife divorced him before the pilot, and now he drinks and smokes (cigarettes and weed) and screws his way into your hearts. Hank is an alpha male, and gets any woman he wants. Seriously. Any. Woman. He. Wants. Think that's an exaggeration? Just check this clip out, but be careful, definitely NSFW. There have been some womanizers in TV history, but Hank Moody has to take the prize as the most successful.
      He also has a teenage daugher, whom he loves and dotes on. He is the most accepting and tolerant Dad in history. At one point he figures out his daughter is high and instead of yelling he says "Where the fuck did you get it? I''ll kill him!" "Your typewriter"  "Damn it, I thought it was light! Alright gimme back what you got, all of it." He just wants to spend time with a child who is pulling away from him more and more because she realizes what he is, a depraved, self-destructive womanizer.

Unrelated note: Yes, the creators did indeed get sued by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and obviously RHCP lost. I guess Flea was too busy dyeing his hair blue to make it to class they day they talked about trademarking and copyright laws.

1-10 Odds I will add Californication to my Must Tivo list: 7    This show is pretty fucking funny. Hank says what he wants to pretty much anyone he chooses; man, woman, child, friend or stranger. I could watch him get in his own way all day. I'm in the process of getting myself caught up for the new season coming in January... Won't you join me?

Show Review: Dexter: Season 5 Episode 11

      Holy. Shit. I don't know how they do it. I really don't. Last night's Dexter continued a long line of amazing episodes and amazing seasons that only get better when they enter the final three episodes. As far as television shows are concerned, at this point in season 5 they are like the Pittsburg Steelers "Steel Curtain" defense. There is no other word for it but greatness. It's no longer a question of "is this one of the best shows ever?" It's a question of "what shows do you think are better?" because that list is incredibly short (for me, only Lost).
      If you haven't seen the episode yet, there's gonna be a few spoilers from here on out. Dexter Killed a cop last night. I think George Clooney sums up his death the best at the 2:46 mark of this video. Oddly enough that cop was both RoboCop and Frank Liddy, a PI hired by Quinn to figure out why the fuck Dexter is so weird. How nobody thought of this before (hiring a PI) is beyond me, it probably would have saved Doake's life though. So now Dexter is in fully on season finale mode, which is when he is at his best. Previous ridiculous finales for this show include SPOILERS killing his brother, blowing up a cabin in the everglades, the death of his wife, and escaping a serial killer. So there's really no telling what to expect.
      Before this episode started, I had a prediction about the path of the season. I think that next season Debra and maybe Quinn are going to join Dexter in his vigilantism. It's been a long time coming for Debra, who proved this season that she has what it takes to take the life of someone who deserves it and not lose sleep over it. This goes to support my theory that by the show's end the entire Miami Metro Police Department is going to be in on the vigilantism (think the ending of Boondock Saints).
      I'm going to go on a tangent for a moment here: The police station Dexter works for (Miami Metro) is probably the most unprofessional group of cops in the country. In the last 5 years: Masuka has probably been the cleanest guy in department and he's a pervert. Debra has slept with a serial killer, an informant, and a fellow police office. LaGuerta has slept with her boss' fiance and her subordinate as well as hinting at sleeping with another former colleague. Angel picked up Dexter's sloppy seconds and now sleeps with the boss, and Dexter is a fucking mass murderer. A little class goes a long way is all I'm saying.

Overall Season Plot Rating: 10. Best episode so far hands down. To continue with the sports references, Dexter in the final 3 episodes is like the Yankees in October. They just get shit done.
Stand Alone Episode Rating: Last night I actually had the opportunity to watch Dexter with someone who hasn't seen more than one or two episodes, and even his jaw was on the floor, until he found out that it's on Showtime, which he doesn't get. Don't worry Mike, you can borrow the DVD...      10